Cop: “Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?”
Wadsworth: “How should I know? He’s on everyone else’s, why shouldn’t he be on mine?”
-Clue, 1985

Oh, how I love secret tapes! Remember Yvette seductively taping the party goers’ conversations in Clue?

This post isn’t really about Clue, though; I swear.

Historian Michael Beschloss was on NPR’s Fresh Air today, talking about his new book Taking Charge: The Johnson White House Tapes, 1963-1964. There are a many interesting snippets (especially at the beginning of the program), including a slightly manipulative conversation with a grieving Jackie Kennedy, shortly after the assassination of her husband. Listening to Jackie simulatenously bounce between laughter and tears is heartbreaking stuff, even 45 years on.

I found Johnson’s discussions of the Walter Jenkin’s sex scandal particularly interesting (Jenkins, Johnson’s top political aide, was arrested for having sex with another man at a local YMCA shortly before Johnson’s re-election). Who knew that Billy Graham would sound so sympathetic for Jenkins’s plight, or that J. Edgar Hoover would be so eager to discuss gaydar?

This picture is from our trip to Barcelona in May 2007. I don’t love this picture because we look especially amazing (we don’t). In fact, I love this picture because it looks like Mick is laughing at how completely un-photogenic I am. At least when I have a beard, I’ve covered up the truly unphotogenic parts of my face (those giant, red cheeks - affectionately referred to as ‘Christmas in Elftown’ by people in the know).

I also love this picture because I think we’re both having a great time; I think we always have a great time, whenever we’re together.

So happy birthday, buddy! You’d get one today, and any other day in the calendar year.

My co-workers (who are also mostly relatives) just told me that this alleged criminal, Clark Rockefeller, bears an uncanny resemblance to an older, balder me. Which is comforting, considering the Boston Herald’s headline reads “Mousy Mystery Man Clark Rockefeller Captivates Nation”.

The combined forces of the FBI, state and Boston police still do not know if the nebbish they brought back to Boston in cuffs and chains yesterday ever went to high school. After 10 days of scouring every corner of the modern information highway, these cops can’t say if the geeky little guy hiding behind a pair of tortoiseshell glasses that looked to be a size too big for his face was even a U.S. citizen.

“Nebbish”? “Geeky”? Can you evey say those things in a newspaper?! This is just mean, shoddy journalism. And completely untrue, since he’s obviously a hot older gent…right?!?…

Apparently Rockefeller (not Roch) got nabbed for kidnapping his daughter, but fingerprints have connected him to several aliases, and an old, open murder investigation in California. Or something like that; it’s hard to tell, since The Herald, who broke the story, is apparently written by a snarky 15-year-old.

So what do you think? Do you see a feint family resemblance?

M-O-O-N! That spells “How interesting, Marvel Comics is producing a graphic novel of Stephen King’s The Stand.” I’ll be honest here: I’ve never read the novel, and probably never will. It’s long. Ulysses long. However, I’ve always been a big fan of the 1994 TV miniseries version starring Molly Ringwald and Gary Sinise (as well as a bazillion other D-listers; Laura San Giacomo, I’m looking at you). In the 90s, I owned the miniseries on VHS and, for reasons that are no longer clear to me, I would watch the 6-hour opus on a bi-annual basis. I even own the soundtrack, which I believe was the first thing I ever ordered off of Amazon.com.

I recently re-watched The Stand with my brother and, while it’s a fairly dated and obvious film, it’s just such a powerful story. I suppose that when one watches something for 6 hours straight, one tends to become rather invested. And I’m not going to lie: at the end of the movie, when there’s a sweeping montage of all of the good guys who bought the farm during the course of the story, I get a little choked up; when Molly and Gary are finally re-united at the end, a little tear rolls down my cheek; when the disembodied head of Ruby Dee’s dead Mother Abigail goo-goos and gah-gahs at Molly Ringwald’s newborn baby…well, that’s just creepy and lame.

This might be the first comic book series that I ever read! How…uncool of me. Maybe if I call it a ‘graphic novel’, I won’t feel so gay. And by gay, I mean lame. Anyway, the graphic novel is set to be around 30 issues (spanning 2 to 3 years), which I can probably hack. Illustrator Mike Perkins has said, however, that he has not seen the miniseries in an attempt to present an unbiased interpretation of the story. Which is just plain bullshit, because after all she’s been through Molly Ringwald deserves to be immortalized in comic form.

M-O-O-N! That spells ‘Thanks for the heads-up about this story, Bonnie!’ Oh, and check out the bizarre M-O-O-N montage I found on YouTube. I guess I’m not the only one with an unnatural love for the miniseries.

Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning for their October 5th show at Webster Hall, NYC. I’m gonna try my hardest to nab a few, as I can’t wait to see this band live.

• Richard Alpert will figure prominently in Season 5.
• The whole notion of “flashbacks” and “flash-forwards” will be reinvented, suggesting that upcoming episodes will span multiple time periods and perspectives.
• Jin will be back, but there’s no word if he’s dead or alive.
• It was strongly suggested that Faraday survived.
• Faraday’s notebook will play a prominent role this season.
• We’ll finally get Rousseau’s back-story, but Darlton cautioned that it would be wrong to call it a “flashback” episode.

I love the idea of a notebook being the big star of Season 5. I hope it gets its own trailer.

If, like me, Fleet Foxes has been the sound of your summer, then you might want to mosey on down to their Lillywhite Session that’s streaming over at NPR. And if you haven’t heard Fleet Foxes yet and are a bit hesitant to try something new, do give them a listen. They’re ever so wonderful. Not having seen them perform yet, I was curious as to how their baroque harmonies would sound live - and they definitely don’t disappoint.

Steve Jones is dreamy. Fact.

American readers are most likely unaware of Steve, but my friends in the UK and Ireland know him as the unbelievably handsome host of a variety of T4 programs on Channel 4. Steve has a list of cons which, for anybody else, might be a breaking point:

1. He’s quite thin. There isn’t a pick on him, and girl you know I like my men well fed.
2. He’s Welsh. Not just ‘born in Cornwall on the Welsh border’ Welsh, but genuinely Welsh Welsh. Normally this a repulsive characteristic in any human being, but Steve wears it well.
3. He’s a slut. Co-host June Sarpong (who I would seriously lady give-one to) has referred to him as a “serial snogger”. I think “patient zero” is a far more appropriate accolade. His list of rumored dalliances include, but are probably not limited to, Paris Hilton, Mariah Carey, and Pamela Anderson. A few years ago I remember reading about him doing the nasty with Courtney Love. Which is, by definition, nasty.

But you know, it’s nothing a little Penicillin and a bar of Ivory soap couldn’t take care of. And for your viewing pleasure, here are some pics from his new movie, Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging.